Monday, December 7, 2009

Check it twice baby!



Santa don't blog, apparently. Poor connectivity at the N. Pole I guess... how the hell does he get discount merch form Overstock.com? Anyway, I've got an internet connection and am not afraid to use it. Perhaps Santa will park his big ass down at the Public Library somewhere in the northern hemisphere and accidently find this post between Google searches for ELF PORN (and maybe elves will appear with a nice roast beef). All through childhood, when Christmas was magical (even after Linus revealed it was actually run by an "east coast syndicate") I carefully composed detailed want lists, only to end up with whatever the hell the adults felt like wrapping. Now people pay attention damnit!! SOCKS, WHISKEY & VINYL. Just to clarify, that's SOCKS (comfy, non-embarrassing), WHISKEY (Bourbon) and VINYL (round, non-embarrassing).

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Calling All Wombats!

Just to get your attention. I know nothing about the Wombat, apologies to any Wombats looking to hook up - it's not going to happen. Anyway, it's FALL and the time is right for falling in the gutter (if you're a leaf). In all honesty, I've been a bit lazy. However, summer ended and I feel like a different Wombat. I did manage to build a brick patio with built-in tiled fire-pit; plant a bunch of roses; acquire rather too many records, and sample the newfound riches of good beer in a can.
I did make some progress with the guitar. I finally realized that great music is all pretty basic - you just have to play it right! When you grow up pre-internet like I did, thinking there was some magic key known only to guitar Gods, it's a revelation to realize that it's just three chords with a little something... kinda like soup. SALT! PEPPER! WHO KNEW? Everything is simple as one-two-three, even four-five and six! This was news to me, and quite welcome.
Well, on other notes - life is entering yet another winter. I finally found the elusive Furnace Filter (highly recommended to know about) and am very much enjoying sleeping with the window down and the covers up.
I was wondering the other day if anyone noticed we are at the end of an ice age. It's not that hard to visualize once you realize the North and South poles are not generally frozen throughout the roughly four-billion year weather report of our planet. Sure, they have been that way as long as we can remember (big whoop) but are really just the end stages of the most recent ice age. We humans race along like careening fruit-flies, while the Earth is going the speed limit . We move much too fast to see any of these changes, nonetheless change continues apace. Bugs know about it, probably Wombats too. Stay warm, and enjoy the rapidity that is life. Or, if you're not into the whole optimism thing, get your kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Monday, June 1, 2009

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

Art Lives!


Snapdragon has a site here. Love it!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Pre-9-11 Carry-On Luggage.



It's always best to travel light. The trick is keeping it to the bare necessities. One or two carry-on, uh... items.
Choices are not as easy as they used to be though. Airports really need to get up to date with the three-ounce Jack Daniels.

The ubiquitous 25 things...

Ridiculous nonsensical things. They are a balm to the generally dull and tedious explorations of logic.

Huge monster stores with useless crap NOBODY asked for, but now apparently must have. Now that these stores (and malls) are going broke, it’s supposed to be a disaster. I don’t think so.

I don’t understand why doing nothing is a sin. The idea of the meditating monk seeking spiritual perfection is acceptable, but laying around drunk in the grass is generally looked down on. C’mon, bliss is bliss.

Why is it OK to provoke thoughts of commerce, invention, religion, competition, philosophy, astrology, and all the intellectual pursuits… but not sex. The question mark is embarrassed to be seen next to this question… why?

Trains are cool. When I was little, my Dad would drive us all to the local train station to watch a train arrive. Traveling by train is great fun (never tried the boxcar…) kind of like staying home with nothing to do.

My name. Former marriage partners have kept it as their own – which I find odd, but also a compliment.

Art books. Secondary to actual art, but without walls.

Clean socks can often turn around a feeling of vague discontent.

Searching through hundreds of records at sales and second hand stores. Something unexpected can cause a thrill of opiate proportions.

Hot baths. Didn’t save Sylvia Plath from the oven, but has saved me on numerous occasions.

Getting a guitar in tune is a perfect moment. While it lasts everything sounds wonderful, which somehow creates music. Kind of like skipping a stone on water.

Wearing light colors makes me feel like a golfer, so I avoid them completely.

I don’t like telephone calls. It’s nothing like speaking in the real world, which is hard enough already.

Staying at home all day with nothing planned is a sort of heaven.

Praise from people I love is somehow uncomfortable – but from strangers it’s fine. I have no idea why.

Playing music on the stereo: I am considered a sort of default DJ at home, which is fun and difficult. My bliss may be someone else’s idea of hell.

A bar is a beautiful place. Assuming someone knows how to make a good drink. When in doubt, red, red wine… Mmmm… RED WINE.

Portland, Oregon. This is the best city I have ever lived in or visited. It is smart, lush, kind, old, new, brilliant, beautiful and overflowing with fabulous and amazing beer. Mmmm… BEER.

Cooking at home. This is especially satisfying when there’s not much to work with. Random leftovers combined with whatever is at hand can make for an amazing alchemy of food.

Making fires is extremely satisfying. In a fireplace or a campsite, both require the same basic ingredients: fuel and air. Oh, and a match is also useful. The results are mesmerizing.

Walking is my preferred form of transport, and exercise. A bit of a problem in my neighborhood however, as I usually get as far as the record shop or the wine bar. Oh well…

I really like cleaning things. When finished, things are clean. It may seem like a never-ending chore, but for the moment it is a small victory.

Brown is an awesome and underrated color. It looks great next to orange, on corduroys, in chocolate, in a coffee cup, in the garden after it rains.

I don’t like excessive and useless mail. It’s annoying to get things stuffed in your mailbox that you never asked for or wanted.

I like to ignore ringing phones and knocks on the door. I’m sorry.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Oversimplifications Made Simple - Or, Hold the Turkey and pass the Pork


Between guitar practice, (Dear Prudence... deceptively simple drone fingerpicking in drop D tuning) and painting the bathroom, I've got a minor rant (major rants forthcoming, once I return to standard tuning). Minor is just more emotive... check out any ancient folk ballad, even the jolly ones like "John Barleycorn Must Die"

Anyway, I've been hearing these toxic-asset Republicans complaining about "spending" our "taxes" (aka "Tax and Spend")
Well, I'm not going to get all preachy and liberal, because this is "OVERSIMPLIFICATIONS MADE SIMPLE." Taxes are what we pay to our government to spend. What else are they going to do with it - start a Ponzi Scheme? Buy drugs from Panama? C'mon, this is AMERICA.

The question is obviously: How would we like it to be spent? In 2003 we all decided - at least 90% of the population (Bush's approval rating going into the war) - that we should spend it in IRAQ. So, our government shipped TONS of CASH on PALLETS (aka taxes) over to IRAQ. But wait, that was like losing a quarter in your couch, because we have spent - and continue to spend - somewhere around THREE -TRILLION DOLLARS! (aka taxes) in IRAQ.

Now, our new President is sending BILLIONS (aka taxes) to... where? what? HERE! Crazy, but true. He's proposing spending lots of money (yes, taxes) in OUR OWN COUNTRY, on silly stuff like education, children's health, maintaining highways and bridges, and even on AMERICANS!

But wait, conservative Republicans cannot abide this wasteful frivolity. They won't stand by and let bleeding-wallet liberal- tax and spend socialists spend our money in our own country, on our own people - what are they thinking??

Some Republican Governers (Sarah Palin...) are even refusing to accept money (aka TAXES) to help their own State! You go Republicans. Stand up for what is right. People should not have to tolerate having their own taxes spent in their own country for the good of the people.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Darwin is OLD.


Happy Birthday Darwin! 200, WOW! He wrote this book about monkeys before monkeys were cool. It's like a big shout-out to MONKEYS and how we started stuff. Then we turned into MAN. OK, it was actually APES, but who cares.
This is so cool I can't get over it. But I gotta say, I'm not responsible for crazy humans. Some of them are alright...
Humans made some good stuff - like wine, whiskey and ether. Monkeys would never have come up with stuff that good. You rock (some) HUMANS! Anyway, I think this Darwin dude was pretty smart - he figured out the theory of evolution, which is why I never go to church! Happy Birthday, man!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Monkey 'n New Age Bear: Goodbye Mr. President!


Hey! Excuse New Age Bear... can't handle the hard stuff too well. He's in training. Anyway, we have been having a bit of a party due to the historic nature of the fact that, respectfully, the President is going home. He's an ass. And what is up with him being all nice and stuff about Obama? Bush is HATING this. He's been running around the white house tryin' to remember where all the ass - pocket bottles of Jim Beam are. Then his wife is all like, "George, did you pack your underwear?"

We don't feel sorry for him. What? Oh... New Age Bear say's he thinks the Obama's will probably have nicer sheets. Maybe some dream-catchers... (sigh). Bear needs to get out more. Like I was saying, Bush will always be an ass. You know, he was the jerk in high school who's always tripping people and knocking books off the shelf in the library - just 'cause he doesn't like them. Then he finds some history of war book and rips out the pictures of tanks. He's all like, smoking, drinking crappy whiskey and snorting coke, drilling for oil and insulting gardeners. I know his type.

He should've been a Sizzler manager and waterboarded the dishwasher. Instead, he gets all hot over the tank pictures and marries the librarian. That's fine if he's just going to spend his life shooting nesting birds and drilling in the wilderness. But he has to go and become the freakin' PRESIDENT.

Oh, the sleepless nights (codeine cough syrup let me down) worrying about the world going up in flames 'cause of some stupid - ass nickname he gives a Russian killer, err... leader. You owe me, damn it!! I would like a pardon, but I never got caught.

But you still owe me bastard!! I want my lost sleep back! Or at least some good cough syrup and maybe a little something for New Age Bear. He likes Guatemalan Rum 'n Pine juice (WTF?) Well this is getting kind of long - but not as long as your endless reign of bullshit! Goodbye G. Bush, and your little dog too!