Monkey Seeks Party.

Hello! I passed out back in 2011 but I'm feeling much better now. Last thing I remember was going to a happy hour in Honduras, a place called the Kabbala. I guess they got my order wrong, because instead of a virgin and a pina colada, I got escorted to the back alley and ended up inhaling police car exhaust fumes. I'm pretty sure they don't use unleaded down there because I still have a headache. So, I guess it's 2012 now. What the hell happened? Ted Nugent is hanging out with Mormons? I'm confused. Those guys wear underwear. Two of them came to my front door once and I threw snakes at them and they ran away. If those guys can run for president so can I. I've been told I need a party, which usually isn't a problem, but since I passed out I haven't had much of a social life. Can anyone help me out? PLEASE! Any party will do. I need to find one quick so I can get started with my champagne, uh wait... what is it? Oh yes, Campaign! Sorry. I also need a running mate, which is weird because I prefer to be single.