Monkey's Words of Advice to Sarah Palin.

I'm not the smartest Monkey, but I have some experience. Look, it's not too late to call in sick. I've done it lots of times. Just say you had some food poisoning. Blame it on Dominoes, or Jack-In-The-Box... do they have those in Alaska? Or, you could say the moose ate your debate primer. If I were you, I'd just party it up and pass out on TV. Jagermeister and painkillers should do the trick, call me. Hey, I like the Maverick, does it have an eight-track?

Sarah Palin Debates Chocolate Hammer. Hammer WINS!

We have chocolate in Alaska! And hammers! It's not like we're a foreign country... I have a whole toolbox!! It's like a microcosm of tools up there! I can see Putin's hammer, and I'm ready! I'm a Maverick, it has the original faux-wood on the dashboard!









Someone get me a candy cigarette.

Murray Hears Of Bailout Failure - Turns Green, Loses Cigarette.

Murray Eelestein Comments on Economic Crisis.

"Oy vay, SELL, SELL, SELL!!!"

Republican Says: Stop the Nonsense!

Nebraska Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel said his party's vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, lacks foreign policy experience and called it a "stretch" to say she's qualified to be president.
"She doesn't have any foreign policy credentials," Hagel said in an interview published Thursday by the Omaha World-Herald. "You get a passport for the first time in your life last year? I mean, I don't know what you can say. You can't say anything."
Could Palin lead the country if GOP presidential nominee John McCain could not?
"I think it's a stretch to, in any way, to say that she's got the experience to be president of the United States," Hagel said.
McCain and other Republicans have defended Palin's qualifications, citing Alaska's proximity to Russia. Palin told ABC News, "They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska."
Hagel took issue with that argument. "I think they ought to just be honest about it and stop the nonsense about, 'I look out my window and I see Russia and so therefore I know something about Russia,'" he said. "That kind of thing is insulting to the American people."

Oversimplifications Made Simple.

Remember Monopoly? It has rules, you take turns, when you go broke you're OUT. When you want something, you have to pay for it with REAL FAKE MONEY, and in exchange you get REAL FAKE PROPERTY. This used to mirror reality; now, our REAL economy is more like Charades combined with Twister and Pick-Up-Sticks. But you have to play drunk and blindfolded. What happened? Greedy wall street brokers?? Sure... but not really. It all started with drunk blindfolded Congressman Phil Gramm, who pushed through legislation in 1999, which modernized Depression-era laws separating banking, insurance and brokerage activities. These laws were put in place to protect the economy from crazy drunk blindfolded financial dealings. But without those laws, guess what happened? Monopoly rules went out the window! Instead of just buying properties and loading up with hotels (too limiting) why not mortgage everything, keep the properties and still collect the rent. Not a problem, you're winning. Let the banker in on the deal too, he can sell the debt owed on the mortgaged properties owned by the bank. The bank can get INSURANCE, just in case you don't win and can't pay. That's fine, you can get insurance too... that way you won't have to pay if you don't win. But that's too limiting. Why not use other players' money to get MORE debt and sell it to more people, even people who don't know they're playing! But even they don't have to worry, because PARKER BROTHERS, who own the rights to Monopoly, has insurance too! They will cover most of your losses in case the dog destroys the game and eats most of the money. But guess what? The broker turned out to be a loser who couldn't pay the bank, the bank claimed a loss the insurance couldn't cover, and Parker Brothers had to make a claim to the insurance company, who couldn't cover the losses. So the dog had to take over. But, according to Nietzsche, there is no dog.

Lovely Night in the Neighborhood.

Monkey Interviews Sarah Palin.

The following interview contains actual statements unedited. Monkey and Sara Palin stand by their words.


Monkey: "Let me ask you about the Bridge. So... it doesn't go anywhere, really? Is that because Alaska is melting? I'm guessing it started out going somewhere, but by the time you got it done, the place had melted."

Palin: "I told the Congress "thanks, but no thanks," for that Bridge to Nowhere. If our state wanted a bridge, we'd build it ourselves."


Monkey: "That's cool. So you were like "no thanks... take the money and give it back to the taxpayers!" Awesome. That must have helped alot of poor people. So you are really like Robin Hood! In pantyhose! "

Palin: "As for my running mate, you can be certain that wherever he goes, and whoever is listening, John McCain is the same man."

Monkey: "You look kind of crazy right now."

Palin: "America needs more energy ... our opponent is against producing it."

Monkey: "Wow. I'm kind of shocked. I'm for energy, it's alot of fun. Are you sure you aren't lying like a lying crack whore?"

Impressionable New Age Bear!

It's so great to be back in the USA! Wow, I'd like to thank Miguel and Miguel for saving me. Yeah! They turned out to be really famous CIA agents. Their names are actually Gary. It turns out they were just PRETENDING to be rebels, to like, confuse the REAL rebels. I guess the Garys have a lot to do in Guatemala, they get a million dollars a week and they have donkeys to pull the money around. It's pretty cool. I got to come back with them in a black helicopter, but it was really crowded with stuff. I had to sit on this big bag of powder. My butt was numb! The best part was we didn't have to check our bags or go through the metal detectors and stuff like that. I'm not going anywhere for awhile. I'll probably make some banana bread and take a mineral bath. See you later!

Djinn Genie and Sunflower.

Lovely Day in the Neighborhood.

Americans Wait For Change.

Still Waiting For Change.