Be forewarned, this tale is sordid and downright unsavory. There is a bar in our 'hood that is very close to our hearts, especially for its affordability and lack of a sign on the building. It also has a cool name (something defined as a "prolonged series of retaliatory, vengeful, or hostile acts") Yet, it is a very friendly place frequented by hip girls & boys and the guy who founded Voodoo Doughnut, who has a fantastic collection of trilbys.
This afternoon, being a Friday and feeling a bit Happy Hourish, we rolled in and sat up at the bar. Cocktails were an astonishing bargain at $3.50, so I inquired as to the brand of house Whiskey. On this occasion I was taken aback at the answer: McCormicks. My initial thought was a mashup of fish restaurant and something vaguely Scottish, which I quickly put aside and ordered straight on the rocks. The adorable barperson assured me it had a "vanilla finish" which it indeed had. It finished like a final shellac on a yacht named after a very frugal relative wearing rather too much perfume. I had another. The final tab came to less than a bowl of our cat's best kibble, so I felt quite pleased with myself. Of course it was all an illusion... as most of the best things in life are.
After returning home, I felt compelled to find out more about this ridiculous sort of Bourbon. I had visions of sipping at home at less than the price of bottled water, laughing at the likes of Makers Mark and Knob Creek. I quickly found the entire history of the distillery documented on the ever -reliable Wikipedia. I felt a bit unsettled at the discovery that the distillery was located in the upper reaches of Missouri - a most unlikely place to manufacture Bourbon. It appears the place was established there for the natural Limestone springs running underground. Furthermore, it is the nation's oldest distillery due to the fact that it marketed its product as "medicine" throughout prohibition. This is a very savvy Whiskey, with a hint of lawlessness and perhaps a slightly illegal aftertaste.
The final chapter in this lengthy history of distillery (which also features a popular vodka called "Glazed Doughnut") almost caused a complete state of sobriety. Rather than paraphrase, I am including this classic bit of history so that no one will be tempted to order this tipple at any price. You can thank me later by buying me a Bourbon made anywhere south of the Ohio river. Cheers!
1996 Export Investigation
From 1996 to 1999, the company sold nearly five million gallons of disguised grain alcohol to a freight forwarder operated by a Russian immigrant for eventual smuggling into Russia. The shipper was suspected of having ties to some of the most powerful mob clans in Russia. Other distillers, brokers, and shippers around the United States were also reported to have been under investigation by U.S. authorities. McCormick was charged and pled guilty to a misdemeanor count of making a false entry in regulatory documents, in which it identified the alcohol as non-drinkable products such as industrial cleaning solutions, and it agreed to pay $2 million in penalties and $1 million in reparations paid to the government of Ukraine, and accepted a one-week suspension of its license.
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