The Critical Crow Corner

I've been asked to provide some critical on-the-ground analysis of the urban landscape - sort of a crow's eye view you might say. Well, let me clear the air by saying "Caw! Caw!" because that's what's expected of me right? Might as well admit it - YOU ALL HATE CROWS! So get this straight right now: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I have no issues with humans as a race, it's just that most of you are - how shall I say... dumb as sparrows. Look, I'll try to be fair and honest because I'm just that kind of bird, but if you ruffle my feathers I WILL TRACK YOU TO A DOWNED ELECTRICAL CABLE AND WATCH YOU BURN! OK, that was a bit harsh. Sorry. I had to review some poetry today and I'm not at my best. It was one of those skinny little volumes about the virtues of the natural world, including the sickening anthropomorphism of a woodchuck. I gagged on a worm and it put me in a dark mood. Don't send me any poetry, especially if you're an insipid nature lover. I don't care if you want to save me, just leave me a scone (walnut is good) and some strong coffee, black.