My Vote for Best Political Satire.

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Won't Get Fooled Again.

I used to think this song was just an amazing example of how to use an A chord better than anyone ever could. It's all in the little finger on the fifth fret adding those two top notes to the bottom three. Of course the effect is much greater with several hundred watts of electricity, but it still comes through on this lovely acoustic version.
At some point it struck me that it was about the revolutionary dreams (fantasies) of the sixties, crashing head on into reality. History tells the tale; leaders fall and the oppressed become the oppressors. At the time, rock music was rife with songs promising an easy take-over of the status-quo. The Doors sang "The old get old and the young get stronger\ may take a week and it may take longer\ they got the guns but we got the numbers\ gonna win yeah were takin over\ Come on!"
Jefferson Airplane were only slightly less subtle with: "Volunteers of America... Gotta Revolution!" Crosby Stills Nash & Young were suitably outraged with "Four dead in Ohio... Gotta get down to it, soldiers are hunting us down, should've been done long ago."
Things got ugly at the 1968 Democratic convention when Chicago police, at the orders of Mayor Daley, brutally beat protesting hippies within inches of their lives.
John Lennon wrote his song "Revolution" with the great line "If you want money for people with minds that hate, all I can tell you is brother you'll have to wait." Of course, John being the abstractionist he was followed that with "When you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out/in." Hard core activists were pissed that the Beatles were so uncommitted to the cause. Cheers Beatles! Anyway, Pete Townshend saw through the crap and put it all into perspective. Still a timeless song, and never too late to change things through peaceful means. Don't forget to VOTE!

Word From GeeBee.

Being the last week of the fantastical everlasting election, there is little time left for being a smart-ass on the subject. This may actually be an insight (everything here is an insight into SOMETHING). I put forth the observation that John McCain doesn't want to win the election. He has figured out at some point that he is better off out 'o the White House than in it. At the very least he could've tried harder - and possibly even sabotaged his own campaign with a series of stupid decisions. If you really want to win, do you let your advisors talk you out of the running mate you really believe in, and agree instead to choose a complete disaster? When a national emergency pops up, do you act all crazy and cancel your campaign to join a bunch of your old cronies who actually don't like you very much and contribute nothing, while your opponent drops in to offer smart input and keeps his schedule the next day? Do you call total strangers "my friend" every two seconds like a creepy insurance salesman? Then when you are completely out of ideas, you rename your campaign after a guy named Joe? And remind everyone in the country that they might need to call a plumber someday? How inspiring is that?? These are the actions of a man who just wants to get the hell out of town and kick back with some of that beer money. Maybe even look back and laugh at how silly the whole debacle was. Good luck on Tuesday John McCain - you've earned it.

Monkey On "One Party Rule."

As you should know by now, I'm a huge fan of the party - always have been. I've supported it, and will continue to support it until I fall over. For this reason, and some others, I've decided that this "one party rule" is a good thing. First of all, two parties in the house is just confusing. You're always thinking, "Hey, I wonder if I should check out the other party?" That's time wasted when you could be getting MORE wasted! I don't know about you, but I am always losing my drink and picking up the wrong one. I hate that, 'specially when some moron puts his cigarette out in his drink. That's what ashtrays are for IDIOT! Two parties is just stupid. I would have to get another stereo, another copy of "Back In Black", and probably a change of clothes. I say let's have one party, and just make it bigger!

Spot the Monkey!

Allie AKA Snapdragon sports a monkey. Is that legal in Utah?

Strike, uh... OUT!

Crikey! I Learned this in 9th grade!

Monkey's Defining Moment.

When I'm trying to chill-out late at night, these nutty news guys with human hair start saying stuff and I'm all "What the *%$@#"? Last night I kept hearing "The Elite" this and "The Elite" that. I guess these "Elitists" are the reason John McCain is not looking very good - but I thought it was because he's old and weird. Anyway, I got tired of feeling dumb, so I got out the big book to figure it out. Now I'm more confused than I was before happy hour yesterday. Here's what I found out : " The elite — a select group of people with outstanding personal abilities, intellect, wealth, specialized training or experience, or other distinctive attributes — are those whose views on a matter are to be taken the most seriously or carry the most weight; whose views and/or actions are most likely to be constructive to society as a whole; or whose extraordinary skills, abilities or wisdom render them especially fit to govern." So, whose s'possed to be President? The news guys are called "Media Elitists", but I'm not voting for a guy with hair like that. So is Obama the Elitist? If he is, then he's the guy who knows what's up! McCain must be further gone than I thought. I'm going to have a few cocktails and call Sarah Palin. At least she say's dumb stuff I can understand.

Impressionable New Age Bear!

Hey! It's great to be here! SO much has happened! I found out about MUSIC! It's amazing! I really like "Fireflies Unplugged," but my favorite right now is called "Hooked on Himalayas." It's by a bunch of Tibetan Chipmunks who chant and fly around. It's cool. I'm learning how to be a DJ and make remixes. I've got this one called "Music for Snacking"," it's organic! ... maybe vegan, I'm not sure. Anyway, it has sounds of ants at a picnic mixed with tofu. It's weird. I'm working on another one with frogs and chainsaws, called "Sounds of Nature." I'd like to get one that has sounds of pine needles falling, then I could listen to it in the woods to relax. I have to go take a nap now. See you later!

Angry Conservative Bulldog.

Am I the last real Conservative? Damn those aisle-cross-dressing Republicans! They are as bad as brie-eating poodles with Perrier in their water bowls. Give me a hambone and a rain-puddle any day. And those Liberal Condo dogs just want to coddle Terriers. They don't get it! If those Poodles and Dachshunds don't like it here they can go back where they came from - and take your silly pink sweaters with you! Same goes for those freeloading Chihuahuas. Why should we pay for them to have puppies and eat Tacos while the rest of us chase squirrels and eat crap? I say we send all those whining lap dogs off to fight Terriers and Hounds in Afghanistan! I'm staying right here in my own back yard where it's safe.

Ridiculous Englishman Caught in Brambles.

Local nobleman and useless heir Dimson "Haffy" Halfbright was found stuck in a bramble bush this evening at about half-past six. Discovered by a passing barmaid on her way to work at the Battered Budgie, Haffy was eventually pryed out with a cricket bat. "He was well stuck," she said, "an' he weren't goin' anywhere like that, all stuck an' all." A Badger, on his way to the Budgie for the first of at least twenty-eight pints of lager, spotted the hapless Haffy and barmaid from the road and quickly saw that action was required - or he would be looking at a long wait at the Pub, parched and ill-tempered. "I don' like to wait," claimed the Badger. Taking matters into his own paw, Badger broke into a shed and grabbed an old cricket bat. "I shoved it under his bum an' he screeched like my dinner," said Badger, "after 'while he just flew out the bush like an old shoe." Haffy, Badger and bat were soon retired to the Budgie for restorative purposes.

Night at Home, or Mormons at the Door.

Picture if you will a scene of domestic bliss involving yours truly - GeeBee in the kitchen preparing a simple meal of spicy Italian pasta; Bob Dylan on the stereo, a glass of Spanish red wine in hand. Knock, knock upon the front door - a quick glance reveals some boys in suits. Instantly suspicious, I remark to the sage mathematician Elizabeth: "I'm not answering... they're Mormons" Well, guess what? My jest turned out to be the truth. I quickly busied myself with chopping a Jalapeno while the unsuspecting missionaries were led into the living room. From a safe distance I hear Elizabeth happily announce, "You have 20 minutes to convert me - starting now. GO!" Genie came into the kitchen and gleefully remarked that Elizabeth had the situation well in hand... I agreed that it seemed the perfect cat playing with the mice scenario. A bit of sport before dinner. Respectful but animated banter ensued - well not so much banter as feeble attempts to respond to challenges involving equations and carbon dating. Loopholes were unraveled, history exposed like torn undergarments, horrible blows dealt with nary a drop of blood spilled - no clean-up required. Then, as the spicy sauce reached a high-simmer, Genie went in to finish off the softened targets. Next thing I knew they were on the porch trying to make their getaway while Genie offered kind reminders that they will one day have to answer for their opposition to gay rights - just as racists did to opposing civil rights. All in time for dinner and the debate, thank God.

Monkey Gives a Shout-Out.

Not only did this Monkey sneak into a McCain rally - he's wearing an OBAMA sticker! You rock little Monkey! That fat guy isn't the smartest human...

Ridiculous Englishman's Diary Discovered in Bramble Bush.

A diary belonging to British Nobleman Dimson "Haffy" Halfbright Esq.,has turned up under a bramble bush in Custard-On- Crumble. It was found by a Badger on his way home from the Pub.
Thought to be residing somewhere nearby in rustic Turning Green, Esq. Halfbright, heir to the county seat and various useless titles, including Earl of Little-Thort-On-Wye and Baron of Brokenbarrow has yet to appear to claim his diary. The Badger has reluctantly given it up to the local authorities for a biscuit and a very nice cheese of unspecified origin.
There appears to be some interest in the contents of said diary, especially as it was never thought that "Haffy" had it in him to compose a sentence. At least three residents and a postman have expressed mild interest in seeing a page or two of it over a pint.
Local law requires that the original owner of item(s) recovered from bramble bushes must appear within a reasonable amount of time unless otherwise engaged in something respectable that would prevent them from appearing. If they choose not to bother, the item(s) will be exhibited in plain sight at the bar of The Battered Budgie, for all to see. The only exception is if said item(s) turn out to be soiled undergarments, in which case the whole thing is quickly forgotten as if nothing happened.
If all goes well, the diary should be tossed about freely before closing time.

Bad Poetry Found In Book!

I pulled out an old book tonight, and a single sheet of note paper fell to the floor. I was horrified and elated to discover an attempt at topical poetry, written in my own hand. A few clues date it from the early Reagan era.

"I'm Not Buyin'"

I'm not buyin' car insurance, disco records, carpeted wall-to-wall split-level-condo
I'm not buyin' Reader's Digest, Dianetics, automatic room-deodorizer - Oh no
I'm not buyin' frozen meals, or your ideals, or any coupon-book of half-off two-for-one deals
When I'm relaxing at home and you call me on the phone
I know you're lyin' and you're tryin' - but I'm not buyin'!
I'm not buyin' a multi-color two-piece jogging suit
or a dog with a haircut you might think is cute
I'm not buyin' headlines meant to scare me
or 24-hour cable access meant to bore me
The government is tryin', the Virgin Mary's cryin'
Business is good, actin' like we should
We're the best, so screw the rest
Just say no... why ask why... 'cause I won't buy!

Monkey Takes Credit For Palin Performance.

What ya got under the hood baby? Have you ever blasted "Back In Black" with the eight track on eleven? Oops, forgot you believe in a talking snake... "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida*" honey!! Well, I'll see you on election night. Time to get on the "Highway To Hell" Cheers!
PS. I hope the check's in the mail, 'cause it's a long way from Alaska and two-for-one Spanish Coffee night is coming up.
* Drug-addled pronunciation of "In The Garden Of Eden."