Ridiculous Englishman Caught in Brambles.

Local nobleman and useless heir Dimson "Haffy" Halfbright was found stuck in a bramble bush this evening at about half-past six. Discovered by a passing barmaid on her way to work at the Battered Budgie, Haffy was eventually pryed out with a cricket bat. "He was well stuck," she said, "an' he weren't goin' anywhere like that, all stuck an' all." A Badger, on his way to the Budgie for the first of at least twenty-eight pints of lager, spotted the hapless Haffy and barmaid from the road and quickly saw that action was required - or he would be looking at a long wait at the Pub, parched and ill-tempered. "I don' like to wait," claimed the Badger. Taking matters into his own paw, Badger broke into a shed and grabbed an old cricket bat. "I shoved it under his bum an' he screeched like my dinner," said Badger, "after 'while he just flew out the bush like an old shoe." Haffy, Badger and bat were soon retired to the Budgie for restorative purposes.