Closeted Queer Duck (R), Rep. of pond district 69, was acquitted of all charges today in a recent sex-scandal involving a decoy (Ind). High-powered attorney Murray Eelestein issued a statement claiming his client was a victim of circumstance.
"Rep. Closeted Duck is a close personal friend of mine, which had no bearing on the outcome of this trial. The facts are clear: Wooden decoy ducks, regardless of their political leanings, have no rights. None whatsover. This is a clear cut case of entrapment, and counter charges will be forthcoming. My clients impeccable reputation has been dragged through the pond water and we will be seeking extensive damages from those responsible - be they socialist, independent, or worse. Partisan politics play no part in this case, but it has come to our attention that this 'decoy' is not, nor has ever been, a member of the Rebublican Party. In fact, we have reason to believe he has connections to Canadian Socialists, or perhaps even terrorist organizations. We may not have direct evidence, but allegations are all we need these days. So take heed decoy duck - your devious days are over, and we are coming after you." Murray and Closeted Queer Duck have since left the country to "lay low" at an undisclosed posh resort location.
1 comment:
I heard rumors that they're in the Bahamas. Hot eel action, that's all I'm sayin'
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